The MAN CODE

This is it. So it has been written, so it shall be....The CODE:

1. Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolate"

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killedand eaten by his fellow partygoers.

4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father,priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not andshould not provide any useful information whatsoever as to hiswhereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail afriend out of jail within 12 hours.

6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent withoutrecrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to callBULLSHIT. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowableexaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)

7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister isoff-limits forever.

8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who'srunning late is 5 minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait 10minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10scale.

9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator isforbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man.In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy istrying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried awaywith your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal isforbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

12. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his permissionand he, in return is required to grant it.

13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated asspies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability topick a buffalo wing clean.

14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't seenothin'.

15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

17. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30minutes of meeting them. You are not required to make nice with her galpal's significant dick-heads --- low-level sports bonding is all the lawrequires.

18. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you mayalways ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never askwho's playing.

19. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whineyfriend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'llbe able to warn your buddy and give him time prepare excuses aboutjoining the priesthood.

20. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you'resunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a toplesssuper model...and it's free.

21. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

22. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman mustremain sober enough to fight.

23. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, youmust jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours hisactions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a goodass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.

24. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:"Yeah, baby, push it!" "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!" "Another setand we can hit the showers." "Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"

25. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice ofpizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

26. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring tohis beer.

27. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except whenshe's withholding sex pending your response.

28. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing:either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations,a nod is all the conversation you need.

29.If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you maynot join him...too gay.

30.Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you mustattempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you inthe eye, and deliver a "F**K OFF!" You are absolved of your ofresponsibility.